Most grooming advice fails because it assumes you have forty minutes and a cooperative animal. Here is a routine that takes about fifteen minutes a week and prevents the problems that need a groomer to fix.
Brushing — twice a week, ten minutes
Work in the direction of the coat, in small sections, starting at the shoulders and moving back. A slicker brush lifts loose undercoat; a comb afterwards tells you whether you actually got it all.
If the comb snags, you have found a mat forming. Small ones can be teased apart with fingers and a little detangler. Anything larger than a coin needs cutting out or a groomer — brushing through a tight mat hurts, and a dog who learns that grooming hurts will fight you for years.
Nails — every three weeks, two minutes
If you can hear clicking on a hard floor, they are too long. Take a small amount off the tip and stop. Two conservative trims three weeks apart are far better than one aggressive one, because the quick recedes gradually as the nail shortens.
On dark nails, look at the cut surface — a chalky white centre means keep going, a small dark dot in the middle means stop.
Ears — weekly, one minute
A quick look and a sniff. Clean pink skin and no smell is what you want. Redness, dark waxy discharge or a yeasty smell means a vet visit, not a bottle of ear cleaner. Never put a cotton bud down the canal.
Teeth — daily if you can, three times a week if you cannot
Use a pet toothpaste; human toothpaste contains fluoride and often xylitol, both of which are a problem when swallowed. Start by letting them lick it off your finger for a week before a brush ever appears.
Bathing — every six to eight weeks, and no more
Over-bathing strips the coat oils and causes exactly the dry, flaky skin people then try to treat. Use a soap-free oatmeal shampoo, rinse until the water runs clear, then rinse again — leftover shampoo is the most common cause of post-bath itching.